Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Memories and Changes

Today and yesterday have been really hard. I found out some news that was really hard to accept, which left me feeling so overwhelmed. You know that feeling, where it's like everything is falling apart and the world is going to end and everything sucks? That's what I felt last night, and then again this morning. For a few hours I didn't know what to do with myself. I went to school, then I came home, curled up with my favorite blanket (yes I use a blanket, even in the summer time because I'm crazy) and watched like 6 episodes of the office. (I am not kidding you, I just finished seasons 1-8 on netflix the week before last and I'm already on season 3 again. Not sorry.) Anways, that's all I wanted to do, because that's what I do when I'm sad. I watch the office and wallow in my sorrows.

While watching Pam confess her true feelings on the "Beach games" episode I remembered something. The day Chauncey and I got married. Before the temple ceremony we were able to sit with each other for a few minutes alone. Right then, I knew with a certainty that I was making the right decision to be married to Chauncey. Up until that point I was still unsure (sounds terrible, but I was scared. Even though I prayed about it before we got engaged and it felt right, I was still nervous). I was only 19, and I know a lot of people thought I was crazy. However, during those few moments together, I had no worries. At that moment I knew with all my heart that even though our marriage wouldn't be perfect and it definitely wouldn't be easy, it would be worth it and I was making the right decision. That was the best feeling.

Anyway, back to what i was saying before. That memory sparked another memory, and then another, and another. All great and wonderful memories from my life up until this point. That is when I thought of my testimony. These past few months...haven't been my best. I have lost sight of what has always been important to me spiritually. Sure, Chauncey and I still read scriptures every night, and we try to have FHE every week, but I don't feel very happy spiritually. I know our marriage has benefited from these practices, but I feel that I haven't changed very much. So today, after being very sad and kind of pathetic, I decided to change. I need to be more spiritual, for me. I need to read the scriptures on my own, I need to say prayers more, I need to have more faith that everything will be okay. This next month is going to be rough, I know that. If I keep constantly worrying about how hard my life is instead of focusing on how wonderful my life is, then yeah, life is going to suck. I do have a good life. My life is wonderful. Really quick I just want to list a few things that I'm grateful for.

-Chauncey- Do I have to say more? I really don't know what I would do without him. He came into my life at the perfect time, just when I needed a friend. He is my best friend, and I definitely love him.
-My parents. We don't always say eye to eye, but I sure do love them, and I know they love me.
-My brothers. Especially my brother, Chase. We've grown so close since I moved out over 3 years ago. He's definitely one of my best friends and I would do anything for him, and I know he would do the same for me.
-My in-laws. What can I say? They are simply wonderful. I can't say enough how grateful I am to be apart of their awesome family and that I have always been treated as part of the family. I have never felt out of place being with them. They are so good to me, and I really do love all of them.
-My friends. I don't have a lot of close friends, but I am so blessed to have the few that I do. I love them so much.
-The gospel. Even through my low points, I have never stopped going to church. Because let's be honest, where/who would I be with out the gospel?

Those are just a few things I'm grateful for at this moment. There is so  much more I could list, but I don't want to bore you. To any of you still reading, congrats! I give you a thumbs up, because this post was ridiculously long. 


Megan Belcher said...

Oh Jenni, I just love you. And, those few moments spent alone before the sealing ceremony were my favorite part of my wedding day. I was so nervous! And at that moment in that holy temple, I knew I was doing the right thing. Keep your head up girlfriend! Love and miss you!

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